I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
