and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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