I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
