So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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