Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
