That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
