dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
not ubering you a puppy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
