I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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