I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
