I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
