I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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