Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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