any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
