Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
