Sponge bath it is.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
