she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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