At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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