If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
