dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's blow job season.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
