you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
