its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
