there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
