Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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