Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
