People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
