hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
