areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
