i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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