mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
