Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
