It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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