Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
