I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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