I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
