do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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