we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
