so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
