dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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