I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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