The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
