consequently i now know what mace tastes like
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
