brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Are we still banned from the library?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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