Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
