I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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