Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
