The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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