I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
