Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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