i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found the puke drawer
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
