He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
